All you have to do is wake up in the morning.

Oh the difference a new day makes. Last night I was discouraged and deflated, due to a botched networking event I attended with Jenna. As usual, she was a natural and in her element, possibly landing a new VC for the start-up she works for. For me, the best part was catching up with an old friend who happened to also be at the event and eating free sushi. Oh, and I had a free Oktoberfest, too. That was nice.

The more I try to explore my businesswoman options, the more I'm faced with that sinking feeling that I don't belong here. I want to write a novel. I want to open a bakery, plant a garden, learn to make my own clothes because of the grim outlook of me ever being able to buy new ones. (Note to self: When trying to embrace a new day and a new outlook, don't start your workday by scheduling your student loan payments.) I would love to use my passion for words in a real life job, and it excites me to apply for jobs that hold those possibilities. (Hell, I'm even doing that in my current job, so I can't really complain. But when has that ever stopped anyone?)

I leave for Ludlow tomorrow afternoon, and I'm excited for a little change of scenery. Though I do fear that my constant disappearance from home and real life contributes to my lack of groundedness. I suppose we'll see after September, when I'm back and Mike's all moved in.

On a positive note, I started reading Tom Perotta's new novel The Leftovers this morning, and I can already tell that I love it. I met him last year at the Boston Book Festival, and I'm hoping I'll run into him again this year to tell him how great it is. Something about fall gets me itching for curling up with a good book (moreso than normal, I guess), and I'm feeling ready to revamp and restart with my book blog, The Things They Read. I want to start a whole site of The Things They... things, including my new and still budding write blog, The Things They Wrote. Hopefully my writing group meeting tonight will inspire me some more for this project.

xo, Mel.  

See also: Book blogging.

Just doing what I love.

Today I'm speaking at a local bookstore about two books I recommend for summer reading. I'll be talking about Joyce Carol Oates's memoir, A Widow's Story, and Anne Roiphe's Art and Madness. I read both of these memoirs back to back, from two women as immersed in the literary world as I someday hope to be. Roiphe's prose reminded me how important I am as my own encourager. She says, "There had never been a moment in my conscious life when I was not planning on becoming a writer. That is why I was reading, that is why I was trying to hear the low hum of reality under the disguises it so cleverly donned. I wanted to report on the crimes of unloving parents and betraying lovers and the things that went on in the dark where I could not see." She is a woman after my own heart.

I'm nervous about tonight; I'm not a big fan of public speaking or venturing too far out of my comfort zone. I know it will be good for me; I know that I this is the first step toward taking and making new opportunities for myself. Sometimes I find myself being too negative, doubting my abilities, and not allowing myself the chances to grow, learn, and become exposed to others with the same passions. So many times I figuratively curl up into the fetal position and cling to my routines and my comforts. How many things have passed me by because of this fear-mindedness? That's what this blog is about: Venturing out, joining a new community, articulating my fears and insecurities in order to move past them.

Today, sitting in my new room, staring out the window at a place I love with the sun shining on it, I can't help but feel optimistic and finally at ease with putting myself out there. Wish me luck.