Wednesday, October 19, 2011
I absolutely love this song, especially on a rainy day. It's romantic and breathes that Sunday-morning-becomes-Sunday-afternoon-and-still-in-bed into even the most mundane of Wednesdays. But today is anything but just another Wednesday. Today is my last Wednesday in this office, working for this company. It's my last Bagel Wednesday (probably a good thing, you'll agree), the last time Mike will pick me up from here unproductively early (love dating a teacher). I just sent out my last batch of prizes for community members, and I'm compiling all of the final emails I'll have to send. My team just went off to a meeting without me. It's strange, this moving on, this progress. No matter the exciting of the new, there is always the bittersweet, the second guessing of what is being left behind. I am a creature of guilt, of rehashing, and looking back, so I understand that leaving a big corporate company isn't all that sad. But it's marking such a major milestone in my life. It's me, going after what I want, convincing myself I am capable, and convincing others. Getting a chance, and moving away from this life of paycheck to paycheck, of second and third jobs, of crying because I forgot my student loan payments were supposed to go up this month. It isn't some major breakthrough in the world of salaries -- don't get me wrong -- but it's baby steps away from the ingrained mantra that I will always struggle, will always have less than, will always care about money. These might be delusions of grandeur, but I'm pretending I'm still between sheets and indulging.